Although I know it to be an unrealistic pursuit, I am
continually frustrated by not being able to connect with everyone on every
level. I even miss the mark with my soul
friends on occasion. I was lamenting
such the other day when my wife Bobbi reminded me that that’s why it’s really
special when you do actually connect. Of
course, she is right as usual and in my head, I hear my 15-year old son Danny
saying “Holy Connections, Batman.” Then
there are those times when it goes so horribly wrong.
Individuals are so complex, multifaceted and ever changing. What does that say about family
dynamics? Holy shit, Batman, it seems a
miracle that we communicate at all, let alone connect on any higher level. Think of how many violations are called in an
NBA game. Then think of how many are
committed and go uncalled. You may be
familiar with the “make-up” call which is where the referee unofficially
acknowledges a prior bad call, by giving the other team a gift call. This should be referred to as affirmative
whistling, ha! My real point is that
everything affects everything. You can
quote me on that one. Nothing happens in
this world that does not eventually have some direct or indirect effect on us. Greg Lake says it well. “Just take a pebble and cast it to the
sea. Then watch the ripples that unfold
into me.” So it is that sometimes these
tiny waves don’t produce positive feelings.
This could be intentional or otherwise, but seems a shame when one’s
intentions are misunderstood.
It is indeed a shame to argue about small things. A la ripples, these small things are usually
related to a whole bunch of other, sometimes bigger things. The Animals song, Please Don’t Let Me Be Understood comes to mind. (I’m now hearing
in my mind, my nephew Josh telling me that my whole life is a song). I usually make mistakes by being either too
honest (edit mode switched off) or by completely confusing my audience by developing
my actual feelings as I speak. The latter
is extremely satisfying, but means maneuvering in the danger zone. It’s is somewhat easier to edit my blog. Occasionally I never get to a point, as was
the case a few days ago. My friend Sher
was listening so intently to me and I’m thinking to myself, I have no idea what
I’m talking about and finally admitted so.
At least she got a good laugh.
I believe, for the most part, I communicate my intentions
regarding small things well. I sometimes
wish I had not said them, however. I
have been encouraged to be less honest about certain things in order to be a
better person. I have embraced this
idea, but struggle with the implementation of it. Because I have given some constructive
criticism in the past, my boys know that when I tell them they’ve done well, that
I am sincere. There is obviously a delicate
balance to find. The ultimate truth, the
one of how we really feel about one another, is the most important part of a
relationship. I’ve not always made this
clear or said it enough to those I love.
Another song comes to mind.
Imagine that. Crosby, Stills,
Nash & Young’s Teach Your Children
implores parents to teach their children well and for children to teach their
parents well; ………and know they love you. So it should be, whether it’s a teenager
fighting with her father or a 53-yr old arguing with his mom.
I am eternally grateful for my ideal childhood, due in no
small part to my mom’s consummate love and devotion. Now that I am older I realize how special my
relationship with my mom was and is. Not
every mother possesses the motherly instinct.
Mine has it in spades. In fact, if
they did such things in the non-sports world, she’d probably be tested for
performance enhancing drugs for being too momly. Momly is a clever adjective coined by my son
Mike to describe his mom. As a small
child through early adulthood, I possessed the closest bond any boy ever had
with his mama. She will still tell you
how extraordinary I was as a child, even though she now wonders aloud, what
happened to me, ha! She was my
confidant. She was my Rock of
Faith! As I grew older, I started to
question her unwavering faith. I
challenged her on nearly every point, because in my mind, it just couldn’t be that
simple. You know how it works though, I
can talk about my mom, but no one else can.
About the time I’d think she was really out there, she’d be exactly
right about something. She may not
believe this, but as much as I have disagreed with her, I didn’t necessarily want
her to change her mind about certain things.
Her faith in God and family has been my peace and, in strange way, has given
me the freedom to think more critically. Sometimes when I do have a different perspective
about a topic, I believe my subconscious might be thinking “geez, I really hope
Mom is right about that, because I don’t want to be.”
As I have alluded, relationships change for a multitude of reasons. Different is not necessarily bad, it’s
different. However, more often than not
in recent years, neither of us has practiced much patience. Certainly my attempts at being a better person
by leaving things unsaid have been lame.
Despite the uneasiness that presided during our visit to Arizona last
Christmas, I was encouraged how she lit up when I asked about certain specifics
of her childhood. It was truly great to
both hear the stories and to see how enthused she was to tell us. We connected.
It has been postulated by my sister Dianne, that Mom and I don’t always
see eye-to-eye because we are so much alike, specifically that we both have to
have the last word(s). So here they are……..
Know that I love you. Thanks for being my Rock of Faith. Have a great Mother’s Day!
